The Look of Love - the Body Language of Attraction

It's the critical first meeting, you're nervous but anticipating the best - after all this is a person you've been chatting with for weeks through an online dating service. You feel like you're already old friends (not two people who have just met through the personals), and now its time to see if the relationship can be more than that.

One of the hardest things for some people to do, it seems, is affectively read the body language of the person who they're on a dating. I have found that men are especially bad at this, but it could just be my experience.

I once dated a guy - he was a nice enough fellow, attractive, generally pleasant, and there was just no spark for me. I gave him every message in the book that I wasn't interested - I could not make eye contact, I was disinterested in what he was saying to me and when he called for dates I made ridiculous excuses.

When I finally agreed to go for a date with this fellow, I demanded that he also take my friend (to dinner and a movie) and to my shock he agreed. During dinner, I excused myself to the washroom. While I was gone, he actually finally asked my friend if she thought I would be interested in dating him seriously (to which she smiled incredulously because it was just so darned obvious).

The point is, if this fellow had been able to read the body language on display, he'd have had a really good idea of which way the wind was blowing without my having to blow him off. A good idea of body language will help you to be more aware of the impressions that you are giving to others, as well as a good idea of where you stand with them. Once you know them, the cues are there and very obvious to see.

• Raised eyebrows
When a person of any culture, race, social standing and gender sees someone who he (or she) is attracted to, he will raise his eyebrows briefly. This quick (about 1/5 of a second) cue is a sure sign of attraction, and if you're quick enough to catch it, your dating woes will be over.

• The eyes have it
Eyes in general have some tales to tell. Dilated pupils definitely signal attraction. Also, an 'open' face (which includes raised eyebrows, flared nostrils and slightly parted lips) is yet another sign of attraction and interest.

• The mouth can speak without saying a word
A person will unconsciously draw attention to his mouth, lips and chin by touching these areas, licking her lips, or just fidgeting with them. It is a sign of attraction, although lip chewing can often be perceived as a sign of nervousness and possibly dishonesty.

• Mirroring
If the person you are talking to is imitating your body movements and postures, it is a sign that he or she is interested in you and would at least like to be friends.

• Playing with the hair
If a person is touching his or her hair it shows attraction and a sub-conscious desire to be sure that they are looking attractive. The exception to this rule is if the person is twirling or tugging at the hair, which indicates impatience and frustration.

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contributed by Jerri-Lynne Cameron

New York Dating - NY Singles, Personals